In a move that would make Charlie Brown say “Good grief!”, Brevard Public Schools have decided that “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” is just too much for kindergartners. That’s right, the beloved Peanuts gang, known for their whimsical antics and life lessons, are apparently too hot to handle for Florida’s youngest scholars.
At Ocean Breeze Elementary, the Kindergarten team requested to allow the kids to watch the traditional cartoon before going on Thanksgiving break. The principal (who received death threats and was sued over implementing the District’s Covid-19 mask policy) rejected the request.
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It seems that Snoopy’s humble feast of toast, pretzels, and popcorn is now a banned substance, akin to Lucy pulling away the football at the last second. This decision brilliantly dovetails with Florida’s latest educational reforms, where book banning and curriculum restrictions are as common as Charlie Brown missing the football.
The decision by the Principal demonstrates the level of fear and bureaucracy they are faced with daily under broad laws passed by the Legislature to “protect children.” State Representative Randy Fine (who is actually celebrating the death of children on Twitter this very moment) publicly called this Principal a child abuser, groomer, and stated there was a special place in hell for her last year at a press conference with Governor DeSantis and from the House Floor. (The allegations were dismissed by the police, the State Attorney, and the Federal Court revealing the step-father staged the photos and lied to police)
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Florida now requires signed permission slips for a child named Robert to go by Bobby. If a 4th grade little girl has her first menstrual cycle at school, it is now a crime for her teacher to talk to her about it.
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Just this week, Moms for Liberty School Board Member Gene Trent attempted to ban 298 books all at once without even placing it on the agenda. When asked, Trent couldn’t even name 5 books on the list without looking. It should be noted, much like the books he’s trying to ban, Trent is also prohibited from teaching in the classroom due to him lying about his criminal history on his teacher application.
But why stop at a harmless Thanksgiving cartoon? After all, Peppermint Patty’s audacious invitation to Charlie Brown’s for dinner might encourage rebellious behavior like… inviting friends over. This could lead to unsanctioned gatherings where kids might, heaven forbid, share ideas or, worse, desserts.
Linus’ heartfelt Thanksgiving prayer? Too profound for young minds, obviously. We wouldn’t want our kindergartners pondering the deeper meaning of gratitude or, even more alarmingly, historical context. That’s almost as dangerous as letting them believe they can kick the football before Lucy snatches it away.
Snoopy and Woodstock’s chef-and-pilot dynamic duo? Clearly a case of animals performing unlicensed human activities. This could lead to unrealistic career aspirations, like becoming a doghouse-flying ace or a bird who can cook. In Florida’s current educational climate, where imagination is about as welcome as a kite in a tree, this is serious stuff.
Let’s face it, “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” is practically a gateway to critical thinking, and we can’t have our kindergartners engaging in such risky behavior. Today it’s a cartoon about Thanksgiving, tomorrow they might start questioning why the Red Baron is always after Snoopy.
As Brevard Public Schools bravely stands against the Peanuts gang, one can only wonder what’s next. Will it be the Great Pumpkin for promoting pagan rituals? Or perhaps Schroeder’s piano playing for fear of inspiring a generation of Beethovens? Stay tuned for the next episode of “Florida’s Educational Adventures.”